long time running

so I've been out for awhile thinking about my past, present and future. It feels as if time just goes by without warning. yeah, i know, that's what it's supposed to do, but I don't understand why i haven't been able to keep myself clear. I wish I could just stop time every now and then just to find out what i'm really missing. it could be something just down the road. it could be something 1,000 miles across the world, either way, i don't know what's going on. i feel as if i'm just going through the motions...

when i go to class i feel so different, which makes it so hard to comunicate to the others. when I'm at work I feel as if people hate the way i do my job. though that may give me the inspiration to do better i still feel like an outcast.

when i'm at home i feel so alone because i trap myself in my room when i'm there because no one is ever home (well at least no one i feel like talking to). I think that is great that i have a good relationship with my mom because at least for that moment i feel like a kid again.

I've been told that I'm like a "protector". meaning i deal with everyone else's problems and shoe away bad drama (as if there is good drama). but like i've heard, "If i'm going around protecting everyone all the time, who's going to come and protect me?" I feel as if right now in my life, it wouldn't hurt to be protected...haha. maybe, hopefully, sooner than late my guardian angel will come out of the blue and save what needs to be saved.

that's my rant for now because I need some sleep.
thanks for listening.